Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Jasper, the amazing yeast biscuit loving terrier! (Thanksgiving post FTW!)

November 27, 2008

A few years ago I saw this story in a local free newspaper.  The newspaper consists of just entertainment type stuff.  It usually has a theme.  Like airplanes, famous toys, actors/actresses, specific foods, holiday, etc. with trivia in that theme and jokes in that theme.  It also has coupons, puzzles, movie reviews, etc.  I used to read it at the laundrymat because they always had a stack of them there and it was a decent way to kill time.  One of my favorite stories from that newspaper is this one.  A friend of mine posted a FYI type of blog talking about how to prepare typical thanksgiving foods for your dog.  It reminded me of Jasper, the poor Terrier that had to indulge himself on almost a whole pan of uncooked yeast biscuits.  I hope you

This isn’t a picture of him.  This is just a picture I found of a Fox Terrier through Google Image.

We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the
summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you who are
unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child
about whom you know nothing and committing to doing your best to be a good parent.
Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only
sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can
get without actually performing a French kiss on me.

Lest you think this is a bad case of ‘no discipline,’ should tell
you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit including
locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress.
Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house Although the cost of the
project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me
out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and a lot of friends
that I like more than family most of the time.

I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner
rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly It was the only appliance in the whole darnï house that worked, thus the assignment.

I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs
am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor. Not
wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put the rolls on baking
sheets and set them in the living room to rise for a few hours. Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour. The rolls were ready to go in the oven.

It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans,
much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated.

I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of
uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night.
God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more
than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by the time we
went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.

We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog out to
relieve himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He
was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and mostof the time when
he was walking his front half was going one direction and the other half was
either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction.

He couldn’t lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the
same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn’t stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence.

His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured
another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was
indeed drunk.

He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it
would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.
Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up
and took him with us to my sister’s house for the first Thanksgiving meal
of the day.

My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute
drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and I,we took off.
Now I know you probably don’t believe that dogs burp, but believe me
when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station But that’s not the worst of it.

Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God
strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire
trip to Karen’s, thankful she didn’t live any further away than she did.

Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister’s garage with the door
locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper’s latest endeavor to walk without running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, ‘what goes in must come out’ and Jasper was no exception.

Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast
rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog’s digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen’s house. Having discovered his ‘packages’ on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor.

This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from
the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the
blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure.
We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else
was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a
coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn’t degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too.

Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home
and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at
Perry’s sister’s house.

I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to
normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door. It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea. Now, I’m doing
research on the computer as to: ‘How to clean unbaked dough from the carpet.’
And how was your day?

Christmas Survey (I don’t usually post these here but…)

November 14, 2008

These usually stay in Myspace but I thought you guys would find it amusing.  Doing this survey got me in the Christmas spirit just a teeny tiny bit more.  I have been resisting lately.  I am trying to hang onto my Halloween aftermath spirit a little longer.

1. Egg Nog or Hot Choco​late?
It depends on my mood.  Sometimes Hot Chocolate and sometimes Egg Nog

2.Does Santa​ wrap prese​nts or just sit them under​ the tree?
I have always liked how they did it in the movies where the bike is assembled and in front of the tree with a big bow on it…. but I always wrap presents even if the kid gets suspicious to why the wrapping paper matches his/her other presents!

3.Color​ed light​s on tree/​house​ or white​?
White.  Colored lights to me are tacky.  Except if they have some kind of pattern like white blue or green red white.  I loathe flashing lights!!  Like wtf is wrong with people?  Except that one video on youtube where the song is synced up with the lights that is epic.  You should look that up.

4.Do you hang mistl​etoe?
No I have only seen that in the movies, I want one of those mistletoe hats!

5.When do you put your decor​ation​s up?
I don’t have any.  But after Thanksgiving is a must.

6.What is your favor​ite holid​ay dish (​exclu​ding desse​rt)​?
Too hard to decide.  I think fresh out of the oven biscuits w/ butter inside.  Or brussel sprouts w/ water chestnut sauce.  Or turkey with a side of extremely moist stuffing….

7.Favor​ite holid​ay memor​y as a child​:
The gut wrenching anticipation of opening presents.  That can make a child insane!  Or just the day afterwards when you could play with your toys, watch your new movies or listen to your new cds while eating leftover candy and christmas cookies

8.When and how did you learn​ the truth​ about​ Santa​?
I don’t remember how old I was but I think I was in the 3rd grade.  I woke up at about 10am and I usually just laid in bed enjoying slowing waking up but the thought of a stocking waiting for me to go through popped in my head.  I ran into the living room and all of the stockings were empty.

I was confused to what did I ever do to deserve that?  I walked into the family room and told my Grandma that the stockings were empty.  She had this “oh shit” look on her face and told me to stay in the family room and don’t go onto the living room until she said it was ok.  I wondered what she was up to after a few minutes and then when I walked into the living room again I saw my Grandma stuffing the stockings with things from a brown paper bag.  I was dumbfounded.  I felt scammed like I was the last one to find out.  I quickly got over it though.  She always put an orange in our stockings.  Freakin’ Grandma.

9.Do you open a gift on Chris​tmas Eve?
What we did is we opened all of our presents after dinner was ate and the dishes were done that were from our Grandparents (and from my cousin when he lived with us for about 4 years) and then the day after that we opened our relatives presents when they showed up that was before dinner.  The problem was, all of the things we wanted came from our grandparents so the presents we opened from our relatives were what they thought we would like and not really what we asked for.

Sometimes my Grandma would tell them a title of a cd we wanted or something easy like that but not always.  We were told to be polite and she made sure we said thank you.

I really wanted to say “yeah thanks a lot for this stuff you spent money on!” in a sarcastic way.  I was rude a few years ago now that relative doesn’t buy me presents anymore.  I don’t care, I mean she gave me toothpaste and cheap shampoo for a present!  Like wtf?  And then she spent like 25 bucks a piece on my sisters.  At least.  She said I am hard to shop for I don’t think I am.  Just give me a gift card woman I’ll do the rest.

10.How do you decor​ate your Chris​tmas Tree?
I love the random promotional ornaments that were made in the 80’s and 90’s by restaurants tieing in with a movie or a saturday morning cartoon that I want to collect a lot of.  Also the vintagey looking stuff like the old fashioned santa and holly hobby stuff.  That’s an odd combo but I have never labeled myself as normal.  Ahem.

11.Snow!​ Love it or Dread​ it?
I used to love snow as a kid.  The worse it got the more school we missed and it was so much fun.  I remember one time I made a snowman and then for lunch enjoyed a chef boyardee type pasta in a can shaped as ninja turtles.  Another time we made a track around a tree in our backyard it it froze a little overnight (which we wanted to have happen) and my sisters and I took turns pushing ourselves around the tree on a sleigh type thing we scrounged up.  Now I don’t like it as much.  It’s a pain in the ass to walk in and it’s a pain in the ass to drive anywhere in.  It sure is pretty though 🙂

12.Do you know how to ice skate​?
No.  I went to a rink once and I was too chicken shit to learn how to be a good skater.  Also the same with going to the roller rink.

13.Do you remember​ your favor​ite gift?
When I was 10 I got a swiss army knife.  A basic one.  I wanted one because I thought every boy in america had one and so therefore I needed one to blend in.  That is when I became a tomboy around that time.  My Granddad called several stores asking for one.  I thought it was so cool and thanked him but quickly didn’t pay much attention to it.

I mean it wasn’t going to help me in some really gnarly adventures or anything.  To my knowledge it’s still hanging on my Grandparents key rack in their bathroom.  Long live the swiss army knife 🙂  I always had that one present I really looked forward to.  I think the coolest one really was a NES my aunt gave my sisters and I and it was a total surprise.  My Grandma told us not to tell her son Bill (he was in his mid 30’s then) that our aunt is the one that gave us the NES because she thought he would get upset.  I told him about 4 years ago.  He was surprised but not that upset.

14.What is your favor​ite Holid​ay Desse​rt?
The classic Pumpkin pie w/ a layer of whipped cream on top.  It was included in the meal but the fruit salads and jello salads always felt like a form of dessert and were always slightly different every year.

15Wha​t is your favor​ite holid​ay tradi​tion?
Watching frosty the snowman, rudolph the rednosed reindeer, garfield’s christmas, charlie brown’s christmas and the simpsons christmas (the first one!) every year.  I think that is the only thing I have done consistently.  I love watching people open presents too especially children!  Also the kindness really comes out in people during the holiday season.  AND the advent calendar at!!!

16.What tops your tree?
What tops my Grandma’s tree every year is an older angel that is very pretty.  She plugs it in and it lights up.  I haven’t gotten a topper on mine yet.  I think I will get an angel too.

17.Which​ do you prefe​r givin​g or Recei​ving gifts​?
As an adult now I just want money.  Quite honestly.  But I love giving and I always feel awful when I can’t afford presents for the people I love.  I am not going to my Grandparents this year for Christmas (family drama, don’t even get me started!!) but I am fedexing some presents still for the family members I still love.  I might not be there, but I still want the ones that I still love in my family to get a 25 dollar gift card a piece.  That’s just how I roll.

18.What is your favor​ite Chris​tmas Song?
I couldn’t pick one really.  I love the cheesy ones from holiday specials, the timeless ones that everybody loves (Do they know it’s Christmas time at all?!??!?) and the dated ones I know from holiday specials from my childhood. has an excellent Christmas (and Halloween) playlist that if anyone out there is looking for one to put on shuffle on their computer they should definitely it check out.  It’s updated every year.  Long live the X-E jukeboxes!!!

19.Candy​ Canes​!​ Yuck or Yum?
I love em’.  The traditional ones, and also the ones that hershey puts out that are really good.  They are chocolate and peppermint flavored!

20.What do you want for Chris​tmas?
To have a great time with my best friend Harry.  And a wii fit!  And contact lenses!

Feel free to steal this survey and replace my answers.

The stuff that dreams are made of…

November 5, 2008

Hi there.  My friend Heady posted this video on a bulletin on myspace.  The more into the video it plays the funnier it gets IMO.  I thought my first blog about the aftermath of the election was going to be different but this is good too.  I shared the celebration online sitting right here at my computer with Chris Crocker on stickam.  He is more fascinating to watch on stickam then you might think.  Just sharing his presence is all.

If you like this video or just want to kill some time, this young man is in a contest for the best Barack Obama impression.  You have to register an account with the site but I can promise you it’s quick and painless.

Here’s the link

My favorite part of Obama’s speech is when he said that when things aren’t going right he’ll tell us.  It’s like he isn’t just our president he’s our good friend that calls us once a week to catch up.  I thought it was humbling and relieving.  We’ll see how good he does but still it’s a relief to us open minded smart folk.  I want to do a video a compliation of music and video if you will with some of the video I recorded last night in Chris Crocker’s chat room.  I think it’s just to preserve the moment really for me and not really for anyone else.  Well the other people that were in the chat of course.  I wish people enjoyed staring at me in a chat room while I was obviously ignoring them like Chris does.  Until next time…

Random pictures I have found on the internet: Election edition

October 26, 2008

I don’t like bringing politics into this blog that often.  Because I think the people that come to this blog are looking for something to distract them from politics and real life subjects.  If you don’t want to read about anything political skip this one.  I feel this is like a screen shot for this place in time politically.  I feel this is the appropriate venue to get this out of my system.  Especially if you are pro McCain/Palin you will be offended because these pictures will be very biased against them.

I don’t get offended that easily so these jokes are very funny to me.  If you are offended at jokes in the pictures but still want to look at something on this blog article, at the end there will be videos and they aren’t off color and as offensive as the pictures.

These will mostly be pictures, I won’t post commentary on most of them.  Click on them to enlarge.

Shall we?

BTW I don’t consider myself a Democrat.  I don’t like how the system lumps people into groups.  I am registered as an Independent.  So I guess that means that I can bash everybody lol!!

LMAO!!!  That is why people shouldn’t make airbrushed shirts.  Ever.  There should be a PSA against them.  Say no to airbrushing kids.

Very offensive yet it makes me hysterically giggle every time I see it.  There are several jokes with this picture.  Same frames, different text.   For people that have so much time on their hands they photoshop something like this up, I salute you.

Freakin’ uncanny.

This one is a bit out of date but I put it up because obviously someone put a lot of effort into this.

Bouncy bouncy.

This is obviously shopped but amusing.  I still haven’t seen W yet I want to.  Most people liked it but this one person said they didn’t get it and the bad impersonation of C. Rice was distracting.  We’ll see.

Creepy, right?

I hate Bill O’Rielly I feel he is a sell out and a coward but I love this picture.  This is like something I would make.

I love this one 🙂

Even though on 20 20 last week they were talking about how we put politicians up on a pedestal and we are always disappointed by that.  They can never live up to the expectations we hold them to.  Makes you think.

Ok that’s it.  No more pictures.  Now onto the videos.  But I bet some of these you have already seen.

I adore these videos.  Howie and Julie from Venga Productions are so cool.  If I tried my whole life to be as cool as them at the end of my life I think I would be about an eighth of my way there.  This is the first video I watch of theirs when I go through them.  I have been watching these videos 2 times a day for the last 6 days or so.  When I like something I REALLY like something and can’t stop myself from rewatching it a million times until I am completely tired of it and then I move onto something else.  The first couple times watching this video I giggled a little to myself during the, “I’m so fucking scared of you” part.  I also enjoy how they mention that women won’t vote for her just because she has tits.  I like the clever wording there.

This is the next video I watch.  The Axis of Evil line makes me smirk every time.

Unfortunately this is the last one.

I am hoping they make at least one more before the election.  I enjoy their style.  I love in the last video watching Julie dance.  She is so hot dancing, you work it Julie!

This is the link for Amy Poehler’s Sarah Palin Rap

This one wouldn’t embed it’s from NBC’s site.  If anyone thinks that Sarah was actually going to do it but backed out at the last minute is a moron.  Sorry but it’s true.  Part of the sketch was her saying that she loved practicing the rap, but she didn’t want to perform it publicly after all.  I actually am going to admit this but I like Sarah just a tiny bit more for being such a good sport about it the rap and the whole bit.  Tiny bit.  She still has the Axis of Evil between her thighs…

Remember this?  I knew the whole dumb blond thing was just to get money.

Here is the link, I couldn’t get it to embed

This is classic.  He didn’t do this for any other campaign but this one.  This shows how important it is for people to make this one the right vote.  For Obama 😀
If this is the first time your watching this and you get inspired to register to vote because of it.  Sorry your so screwed.  The time has came and went to register, it’s still a funny video though.
This video is really funny.  There is still time for this one to inspire you to change the world.  Please, convince your Grandparents to make their vote count for the better 🙂

You have to admire how time consuming this must of been.  Cheesy but it should at least get one view.

It reminds me of this song.  I admire the work that this took too.  This video has more meaning because I feel it’s the Bush Administration’s theme song.  Notice he is wearing the same outfit the entire video.  Imagine your great grandkids watching this on youtube and then asking you what Bush did that was so bad.  That one question is a mouthful I think.

I have rewatched this video several times.  This is a unique parody I think because it’s a serious parody.  This is him expressing his opinion of Bush and this last 8 years (when this video was made it was about 7 years)

I have rewatched this video several times as well.  This is a unique parody I think because it’s a serious parody.  This is expression his opinion of Bush and this last 8 years (when this video was made it was about 7 years)

We are almost done 🙂

It might sound like things bother me easily but this video bothers me every time I watch it.  Especially the, “I like them because it’s an election year and they are taxpayers” part.  Bush is the boogeyman to me.  He is who creeps around in the shadows at night that you warn your children about.

Last video!  I swear it is!

I love this video.  It’s catchy and it has a positive message.  She makes me think even MORE that gay people are great and if the world were without them the world would be so empty.

That’s it!  We’re done!  For everyone that has registered to vote, congrats!  For everyone that has registered and voted already, I hope you made the right choice!  I have already voted and I feel great about it.  I feel this is one of the most important votes of my lifetime.  It inspired me to vote for the first time because I know how important it is.

Random pictures that I have taken or found part 2

October 21, 2008

I just decided this will be a regular thing.  Why?  Because I like it.  And because I think others like it too.  A lot of these pictures are from but I think it’s ok because it’s not like they link the original person that made the picture and I add commentary.  So there.

First off, this is a good picture to get you in the mood for the Halloween season.  Why?  It’s creepy.  And I took it.  I felt I had to, just to talk about it here.

When we came back out to our car, this car was in the spot to our right.  I told myself ok, if the person doesn’t come back before I put all of the groceries in the car and put the cart away I am taking a picture as quick as I can.  Notice how blurry the water warn spots are.  This car reminds me of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  Seriously folks, the worn down white trash feel to it and the artwork on the windshield is spooky.   The only thing I edited is the white blurred spot to your right on the windshield is a blurred out license plate.  I am getting better at shoppin’ folks.

This is the edited version…

This is my version.  The version that is completed.  I wonder if there is a story behind why the last stripe wasn’t there.

I tried to find the origin of this logo through Google but I couldn’t really find anything.  So I don’t have a good ending for this part of this article and I apologize.  Antichrist = opposite of Christ.  The end.

I want to throw some more pictures in because A. I have more pictures and B. I really don’t think this article should end on an awkward note.

One of the wonderful things about the internet is completely random segways.  I love that cat.  I love it with every fiber of my being.  I love the pouty look on it’s face, how it’s standing in the empty soda case box, everything.  And it kind of looks like Sparta, Cory “Mr. Safety” Williams’ cat.  He is an internet celebrity because of that cat.  I spent a 4 hour blogtv chat with him about a month and a half ago.  It was, epic.  I should of posted a blog talking about it that night, sorry.  Also I should of recorded parts of it with Camtasia.  I will regret not recording a certain part to the day I die.  It has to do with a certain Fire Alarm Kid.  Look in my favorites on youtube if your REALLY curious.

Apparently this is the new thing people say to people that post the first post anyplace and just say FIRST! annoyingly announcing it to the interwebz.  I hope that this snarky line will die that down, it has gotten old.  I admit liking it and actually participating in it over two years ago but come on.  Spending so much time online refreshing a certain page just so you can say FIRST proudly isn’t really anything special.  It is pathetic if you think about it.  I delete everybody that does that on my blog or on my youtube videos comments.  There is a shirt that Jinx sells that says I’m only here because my server is down.  If they sold a shirt that said I’m only here because youtube is down with the youtube logo on it then I would buy it.  I know a lot of people (on Youtube lol) that would buy one.  I should email Jinx sometime about that.

Walmart is stealing ideas from The Simpsons now.  You heard it here first.  I took that picture.  I should get one of those big cookies w/ frosting someday.  Sounds odd but tasty at the same time.  If you like cookies more then cake that is.

I love this cake.  Everyone that has used the interwebz especially Youtube knows what song these lyrics are from.  I love the pun and I love how the word dessert a different color then the rest of the writing.  Whoever wrote the words are quite good at writing with frosting.  This is obviously a homemade cake so it doesn’t fit the requirements over at Cake Wrecks which is strict about their it has to be a store bought cake policy.  Sigh.  I want Cake Wreck fame dammit!

If you don’t know what Cake Wrecks is it’s a site where the hilarious and snarky Jen writes about pictures she has either found on the internet (I just upgraded my vocab) or people have emailed her.  The pictures are of cakes.  Not just the horribly done cakes with misspellings and stuff written on them that is odd and off the wall, but well done cakes that are very bizzare.  Like “I didn’t know Charles Manson made cakes in prison!” bizzare.  Did you know that he is 73 now and he is going to be eligible for parole in 2012?  Look it up.  Sometimes things boggle my mind.  I couldn’t imagine walking around free on the same earth as him.

I have an online friend that met him years ago.  He said that he is scum and everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie.  He said that a prison cell is too good for him.  Everybody has their own opinion.  I think cults are fascinating.  Because it shows how powerful one person can be to lots of people.  They can convince several naive people to do horrible things.  Just because they look smart, charming, and they are just flat out a great bullshitter.  I think if you look at it that way it’s interesting.  Serial killers are fascinating to me too because the strange and unusual is fascinating to me.  I would be a great Criminal Psychologist if I applied myself.  Ahhh sigh 🙂

Excuse me officer I was just blowing my lunch LMAO.  I found this picture randomly earlier and I think this is a good ending to this article.  I want a million of these and I want to just pass them out to whoever amuses me.  You can’t really tell the size, but it looks like you can cover most of it if you put the package in the palm of your hand.  They should make spam gum.  I’d buy that too.  I boo naive numb consumers yet I am one.

I got my ballot today.  Tomorrow I am going to fill it out and hopefully send it that day too.  First time!  My whole adulthood the president has been Bush so you can’t really blame me too much.  After I send my ballot in I am going to do a random picture political edition blog.  Promise.  Also I got the game Typing of the Dead last night I want to do a review of that.  Either on youtube or here or both.  We will see.  I love the game so far.  I think that would be a great end note for Halloween.  So if you don’t see it by Halloween then this is an empty promise.  Cough.

Random pictures that I have taken or found

October 9, 2008

The title basically explains what this blog article is about.  These are some funny pictures I have taken over the course of the last 6 months or pictures I have found on the internet.  These aren’t all of them but they are just a few.  I wouldn’t want this blog article to be read at my funeral but it’s a good one nonetheless.  Let’s begin…

This article will show at least one picture for everybody I think.  This also shows how bent my sense of humor is.  I have the kind of sense of humor that is offensive to a lot of people.  But I feel you only live once so why not laugh your problems away.  People become alcoholics because they get overwhelmed by life’s problems well I just have a good laugh and then move on.

I had to do this picture first because I took it to use on my blog and I want to use it just so I can say I did.  To whom exactly?  No idea.

Where are they out?  And why if it’s someplace else, did they have to specifically put this tiny sign over the raspberry tea dispenser?  I love their artistic skills on the frowny face, nice touch.  Nice touch indeed.  As opposed to a bad touch that you hear about in special episodes of older Saturday morning cartoon specials.  I saw the episode online of Different Strokes about child molestation a couple months ago for the first time and it still gives me the willis just thinking about it.

This one I took Tuesday night at our precious Super Walmart that is up the street.  You can get practically anything done or buy anything there and never go anyplace else.  It’s kind of scary in it’s own way.  But we were waiting forever behind a girl that was no older then 20 that had a kid that was no older then a year old with one on the way and I see this older lady taking her sweet time getting out change from her purse to pay for her groceries.  I had to sneak a picture, and took one as quickly as Harry could say, “Jodi no!” because I am like a martial artist with my cell phone.  Flip open, flip closed.  I hope the lady behind me in line didn’t notice.  I think she was too busy staring at all the different kinds of gum.  I admit, they are hypnotising in their own way.

You can’t really tell from that picture but I am pretty sure the lady was wearing a black fanny pack.  Right above the little counter where you write a check in our lane you see a black strap.  She can tell all of her bingo buddies now that she is an internet celebrity.  I kind of don’t want to and want to not give a shit anymore about my appearance at the same time so much that I can wear very loud flowered pants like that when I am older or even now with dignity.  Very loud and the colors are very bright.  This picture doesn’t do justice.  I saw them from the corner of my eye, just to do a really good look at them and take this picture.  I couldn’t look at them directly for long, I didn’t want to do permanent damage to my precious eyes.  I don’t even know where she would buy those!!  Did she make them?  Is she that dedicated to her flower pants wearing cult?

Moving on… I have a picture for all of the car lovers out there.  Well, I think lover is too strong of a word.

I took this one myself.  I blurred the plate in paint shop pro because I am not cruel enough to post their plate number.  It’s a bit blurry because I rush really quickly while taking pictures of people’s cars because I am terrified of the reaction if they catch me.  I take pictures of bumper stickers sometimes because I am either laughing at them or with.  I was especially nervous to take this one, if they are such a rebel they spent a good amount of money to  make their plate cooked on their car I don’t want any trouble from them.  If you look closely then you can tell it’s not loosely on there and needs to be fixed like a picture frame, no there is an indent in the car frame around the plate that is crooked and the plate is screwed on like a regular plate but not really, well you know what I mean.

Is this a trend in the car business?  If not, how do you go about modifying a car like that?  I would think that it would be an awkward request.  And I wonder how much that would cost.  The joke to me wouldn’t be worth spending that much money to follow through with.  It probably cost a pretty penny.  What people do anymore to stand out and make a statement.

This statement isn’t as subtle, and it’s even more hilarious.  I’m going to warn you now.  Put down any beverages you are drinking and swallow them completely.  Also stop eating anything.  I don’t want to owe anybody a keyboard.  Are you ready?  Alright here it is…

Ok I think this one speaks for itself.  I mean generator, air conditioner, you can figure it out.  This person deserves credit for their craftsmanship.  And hardheaded stubbornness that I respect because I have that too.

It’s a lot easier just to roll down a window when the air conditioner breaks and enjoy the breeze.  It’s a lot quieter too.  I don’t know the back story so I guess I have no room to judge.  Heh.

Enough of the car pictures.  Have I told you lately that I love you?  Well I do 😀

If you want to say I love you in the snarkiest way this is the way to do so.  I love the that it has just the right tip at the bottom of the heart.  So sweet.  So loving.  So snarky.

These next pictures might offend you.  But I guess if you have read this far it won’t bother you too much.

This photo is blurry because the picture is tiny and I wanted to blow it up.  This picture I saw on someone’s default avatar on myspace and I had to have it.  This goes right along with my sense of humor.  Being a lesbian I wouldn’t dare wear a t shirt or have a bumper sticker proudly displaying it because then I would be labeled a man hating lesbian that I so don’t want to be label as.  And why do people have to go around labeling others anyway?  I don’t want to get off on that rant right now but you get my point.  This is funny to me though.  I told my best friend Harry about it and he said he didn’t get it.  I guess if it said I like my women how I like my coffee I would be a hypocrite and not smile as wide about it.  I say about like Canadians.  I started doing that about 3 years ago.  Mystery to me and Harry.  Weird.  Ground up and in the freezer ‘chuckles’

Ok I feel everyone is at least a little racist.  But I feel I am not an out right bigot.  I feel we were all born the same way so we are all equal.  People aren’t better then you because they have more money, they have a more attractive wife, or anything else in this life that you would compare with others.  You should NEVER compare your life to other people’s lives because you will always wind up short and just feel bad about yourself.  You should look at your life and see how grateful you should feel about the things you have, not feel awful because of what you don’t have.  Who cares if you don’t have an expensive rolex watch and a guy on tv does!  A 20 dollar one still works great!  It’s stuff!  Life is about enjoying sunsets and breathing and what not!  Moving on…

I can just see some squeaky voiced teen just slapping those signs everywhere on January 31st at closing time.  When you get all of those signs up you can close up go home the boss says.  See you on Monday he says.

I hope I made you laugh.  And think.  Laugh and think.  Yeah that sounds right.

I just wanted to say if I didn’t take the picture myself or get it elsewhere the pictures in this blog article I stole from which is a great site to turn off your brain and laugh with.  These pictures are ones that people upload to show on the IRC chat room server.  So it’s very random.  If you dig for a while then you can see some really funny and really stupid pictures.  Like Beavis and Butthead stupid.  But I feel that is good for the spirit.  Warning that site shows EVERYTHING which means you will see also full color porn.  Porn you might not even thought of before.  It’s not for the weak stomach.  I am not talking about 2 girls one cup I am talking about furries people.  Those people are sick fucks.  I love them but not in that way.  Also glorious shots of some beautiful women.  Some of the comments people leave are very funny and immature.  I have read some great ones.

Aww heck just one more funny.  Told ya I loved ya 😀

Like I said a few paragraphs above I’m a lesbian.  If you have any street smarts then you could tell from a mile away.  I have very short hair, I dress and walk like a guy.  Especially if their is a chick I have the hots for around.  Can’t explain it it’s subconsious people.  But this video is so funny to me.  I just love how positive her voice is like she can’t believe it.  And when she corrects herself it’s so so funny because it’s like where she is from Gay is a synonym for Blindness.  You all know this but I just wanted to point it out.  Have a great day all and I will try to post another blog with a smaller gap of time between this one and the last one.

Heckler: A movie review

September 16, 2008

I just got done watching the documentary Heckler.

You can watch the full movie here. It doesn’t go full screen, it’s in 4 parts, and you have to watch it in internet explorer, but it works.  If you are reading this after this blog article is a month or older the link might not work anymore.  This is a movie that you can buy on a dvd, but I am one of those people that are looked down upon in society that find movies online for free to watch.  I want to start making movie reviews on youtube but this movie is more appropriate over here on my blog.

Why?  Because Jamie Kennedy (the main actor featured in this movie) goes around and reads awful reviews critics have given him straight to their faces and then asks them why they wrote the things they wrote about him.  Most of the reviews are from websites like and  This movie made me scared shitless to write a nasty review of a movie on my blog or anything else for that matter.  I don’t want myself to be in a room with the person that I talked about in my review and them actually confronting me.  I know this is just an obscure blog that gets like 30 views a month but still.  I also don’t want that actor or actress to have to go on anti depressants because of something that I at the time thought I wrote well but was negative.  Anyone that really knows me knows I am very nice and modest and never says anything negative unless I really thought it was awful.  I feel that the time and effort should be thought about before saying if something is well made or not.

Onto the review of the actual movie.  This movie looked like it was made with shoe string budget that Jamie did as a hobby and not a serious movie to win awards.  That is becoming more common nowadays.  Like the movie Super High Me with Doug Benson in it.  Yes that is an actual movie and me being bored and curious one night I did watch it.  The opinion was very slanted to make pot sound like not that big of a deal like you would expect.  They obviously didn’t talk to the people that are recovering addicts that are out there.  I think it’s ok for people with terminal illnesses that need to soften the blow of their disease.  But should be taken more seriously then potheads take it as.  But this isn’t a a review for that movie now is it?

I like movies that are made with a small budget and specifically documentaries in this case.  I think it shows them as more honest.  Nowadays if you have a sponsor unless it’s an obscure one that sponsor is linked to another company and then another and then the original sponsor says hey wait a minute you can’t say bad things about so n so because we are owned by them or we have a history with them.  That is why the bigger motion picture movies rarely step out of their box is because they were paid to be a predictable politically correct piece of garbage.  I love independent films that push the edge and not just to push it but to prove a point.  To sum it up, I give the crappy made films more respect then the wonderfully high budgeted ones.

The beginning of the movie they show clips of comics getting heckled on stage and how they dealt with it.  It shows people getting, “You suck!” yelled at them and then them saying something like, “Your mutha sucks the best douchebag!” and then getting a big cheer.  They also show clips of comics talking about how they feel about hecklers, and how they deal with them.  Most of them said I hate them because they bring down the whole positive energy but then Harland Williams actually says he likes hecklers in a way because it challenges him to be a better comedian and to do improv on stage.  This movie is kind of like the Aristocrats in a way because you see several comedians talk for a sentence or two.

Why did I want to watch this movie so much?  Because Kathy Griffin is in it.  When they were talking about it on Ebert and Roper (even though Ebert wasn’t on it) they showed clips from it and Kathy Griffin was one of them talking.  That caught my attention and I thought I would hear a good heckling story from her.  Oh no, she was only in the movie for about 30 seconds and three sentences.  I think that is false advertising.  She said that Michael Richards shouldn’t of used the word nigger while addressing hecklers and hecklers aren’t good under any circumstance.  That is it.  I don’t know how much money if any she made to add those two sentences but I am happy she got easy money.  I love Kathy and support her through anything in her life.  I think her Emmy speech was hilarious.

The second part of the movie comedians, musicans, and actors address how they feel about negative reviews and movie critics.  They mention how much different it feels getting reviews now with the internet vs. only getting reviews from people on tv, and paper media like newspapers.  If your movie isn’t brilliant, chances are you are going to get a million well written and not so well written negative reviews on the movie.  Angry video game nerd type of reviews talking about what they would of rather done with their money and time then what they really did with it.

One really good point about this movie is they talk about how to deal with negative comments online from people they don’t know.  To take them personally or not.  Several of the celebrities said they used to Google themselves (typing in your name into the most popular web search site that exists, but then they couldn’t deal with the criticism over and over again so they quit doing it.   I think more attention should be drawn to people that say brief negative comments to strangers online.  I know I know, don’t feed the trolls but it’s becoming old and it’s ruining the internet.

I know some of them are no older then 18 or under but that proves another point.  The internet wasn’t made just for a random 13 year old that you will never meet in real life that you don’t know anything about to type with a big grin on their face, “U SUCK UR FACE LOOKS LIKE DOG SHIT U PROLY SMELLZ 2 LAWLZ!!!!1!11!!!!” on your youtube comments or your blog etc. It was made so us “mature” people can laugh, think, and otherwise enjoy communicating with others.  The negative comments are slowly killing the communication part of the internet in my opinion.

I actually had a friend recently turn her videos to private because she couldn’t stand the ignorant and negative comments that were being made on her youtube channel that I feel is a shame.  She has only had that account for less then 6 months.  I feel we were all born the same way we are all equal so they shouldn’t act like they are better then I am because they are not better.  If you say something negative about me that is poorly written then it just shows that you are immature and uneducated.  If it is well written then you just have bad character.  You should spend your time doing something positive rather then contributing to what is bad in the world.  I don’t know if it’s just how I was raised but I keep negative comments to myself.  I can’t stand it when people are so cruel and ruthless when it comes to negative comments about celebrities because they seem untouchable.  This movie shows how celebrities deal with those types of comments.  One thing I took from it is yes they do read them sometimes.  You are not really talking behind their back because most of the internet is public.

Perez Hilton is mentioned in this movie and tells his side briefly on this issue.  I try not to say negative comments anymore about celebrities even when I truely cannot stand them.  I try to respect the fact that they wouldn’t be famous if their wasn’t a group of people that didn’t like them.  I feel if you can’t say something to someone’s face then don’t say it at all.  I think most trolls online are cowards and would NEVER say what they say online to your face.  You could tell the people that wrote an online review or even a review in a newspaper that Jamie Kennedy confronted (he did it in a mature calm manner) sunk into their seat and very nicely told him why they thought his movie was garbage.  He would always say something like, “You are so nice in person about this!  Why couldn’t you have said something like that in your review?” and they all shrugged and said at the time I thought it was the right decision and I wanted to make my review funny and interesting so people would read it.

Dr Drew Pinksy and another doctor told their take on the subject.  I was suprised to see Dr Drew in this movie and because I am a loveline fan it made the movie more enjoyable to watch.  Everything Dr Drew said I agreed with.  He said that hecklers get enjoyment out of ruining other’s lives.  It’s a power trip for them.  But on the other hand they could never ever do what they are heckling.  Also he said that people that are entertainers that take the heckling personally can really have serious health problems like a deep depression and anxiety.  He said the best thing to do is to learn how to cope with the fact not everybody is going to like and accept your work.

In June, I read the book the four agreements.  It is a very interesting book and I feel everybody should read it and be openminded about it.  One of the agreements is not to take anything personally.  That was one of the agreements I understood right off the bat and tried right away to adapt to my own life.  It’s not just negative comments but positive.  It makes yourself immune to other people’s thoughts.  Another agreement is always do your best.  That agreement also is about learning how to accept you can’t be perfect and to accept that you did your personal best.  If you do your personal best all of the time then you won’t have any regrets in your life.  So Jamie Kennedy (for example) should just remind himself to do his personal best.  If he is happy with his performance then the negative comments shouldn’t bother him.  If he does a bad movie just for the money I think that he should avoid reading reviews like the plague and accept the fact most of them will be bad.  At the end of the movie he does say that he accepts that there is good that comes out of bad reviews because it gives him a thick skin and he has become better in his career because of them.

Would I suggest watching this movie?  Yes if you are really into hearing about comics talking about their careers.  There are some funny stories about how they have dealt with hecklers, some funny quotes from negative reviews, embarrassing stories, clips from stand up acts of them being heckled at etc. and if that sounds intriguing click on the link at the top of the article or go out and rent this movie.  I won’t rate in a 5 out of 5 system or another rating system like that because I am too nice.  I will try to think of another rating system for my offical movie reviews.

Hey kid rock and roll, rock on

August 27, 2008

I was randomly cruising through youtube like I do pretty much every night and I came across something horribly brilliant from the late 80’s.  If you know me you know that anything that is horrible but in a good way (the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Coming out of their Shells Tour anyone?) that is from the 80’s or 90’s is like a gold nugget to me.  By the way, this blog article might be subpar which I blame on the thin crusty layer of chocolate chip cookie dough on my hands from baking 3 batches and simultaneously writing this blog.

I was watching the What the Buck Show which I usually don’t do because he mostly talks about celebrities and gossip, and I started watching a video with Buck talking about minisodes.  Minisodes are current or older shows (mostly older) that are the entire show wrapped up in around 5 minutes.  It’s like nostalgia for the busy body.  I started watching some, and came across some Young and the Restless Minisodes and just clicked on one.

Because hey during the summer time and during Monday’s or snow days off I watched some of the soaps that my Grandma religiously watched and if we interrupted she would yell, “Shush! Listen!” at us and continues to do because she is still alive.

I watched the intro of the Minisode and saw a guy with a leather jacket on w/ the zippers you know the kind I am talking about rocking out by himself for a second or two on the white background like they used to have in the 90’s.  That intro is worth watching because IMO it’s quite amusing if you think soap operas are cheesy and you don’t get why they stay on the air.  Just the intro will due.  Anyway it popped into my head that yes!  He was like a pop music musician (oxymoron?) trying to break out of soaps and really have a music career guy.  I listened to the songs on the radio!  I know about that!  I went to wiki about it, nothin’, and then typed in Young and the restless and one hit wonder and with the information that there is a hip hop group called Young and Da Restless I found out that Michael Damian is the name of the actor and yes he has had several hits and so I went off to youtube to try to look up a handful of them to see if they would jog my memory.

Unfortunately none of them did really just a couple slow romantic songs that I don’t remember vividly.  BUT I found something blogworthy.  Behold.

(I updated the link, it’s not the Night Flights video anymore.)

This song was a cover of the classic song Rock On from the 70’s.  Michael Damian sang it for the movie Dream a little Dream in 1989 that has the two Coreys Feldman (still in his walk, talk, and act like Michael Jackson phase) AND Haim in it.  That is why they are in the video.  I had no clue about any of this before I watched the video so I was thinking to myself, “Were the Two Coreys in EVERYTHING in the 80’s?!?” No they are just in the movie and it was a quick little way to link it to the movie I think.  Like the music video I’ll be there for you by the Rembrandts.  I thought the music video though when I first watched it and had no clue about the movie was like the Beach Boys music video Kokomo that Michael was just friends with them and they wanted to kill an afternoon shooting a music video with him.  Dream a little Dream is in it’s entirety on youtube and looks interesting so I just might watch it in a day or two.  I watch the Two Coreys on A&E at the beginning it was kind of boring but now it’s getting interesting and I hate Feldman’s wife I want to strangle her everytime she opens her mouth.  She doesn’t know anything about show business and she should just shut up.

I love the Night Tracks Bumper in the beginning of the video that is deliciously 80’s as well.  When I was a kid my Grandparents had an old Satellite that was big and beautiful because once I started to learn how to use it I found all sorts of channels.  Not like how they found when they first bought the thing back in the early 80’s perhaps when they could get every channel cable had even the porn and pay per view channels (my older cousins became lustfilled young men through those channels from what I heard ahem) and I became the only one interested once the companies started blocking channels and started charging for them.

I had my fun.  That dish was a good friend to me growing up.  I should write a whole blog filled with memories of Much music, More music, Feeds of tv shows, and local tv channels showing news casters staring bored out of their mind, the list goes on.  Sometimes I would hit a good one and would get a free cable channel that was starting out and wasn’t blocked.  Like E! for a while and FX when they used to play Batman, Hulk, Life Goes on, Twenty Something, Wonder Woman, and shows they made themselves.

I got a bit off track there, BUT I found a channel I don’t even remember what it was called but I think it was a local channel from another state.

On that channel I would watch Night Flights.  The reason why is I wanted to watch music videos and I took them anyway I could get them.  From watching a handful of clips of Night Flights it apparently wasn’t just about music videos it was much more then that.  Especially because I found a classic clip of Nancy Reagan saying that pot is great and she highly suggests everyone try it. I probably also watched Night Tracks it looks familiar.  But on this specific channel (which WASN’T USA Network I would remember that because I watched USA Network before as a kid) I watched Night Flight and loved it because it was really the only way I could watch music videos at the time and music videos was one of my favorite things to watch growing up and still now I watch them.

I love watching VH1 classic in the morning because it brings me back to my childhood, killing a Saturday or Sunday afternoon watching a bunch of random music videos.  Obscure ones mixed in with the ones that were popular hits.  This channel that Night Flights was on I had to change the channel right before the commercial started because most of the commercials were just phone sex ads with half naked women (I remember seeing not just teasing but full on TITS in those commercials) and I knew I would be banned from flipping to that channel if I got caught looking at shiny tan half naked women.

Another show on that channel I watched a couple of times by myself were stripper competitions.  They would have a pole on one of those platforms that have wheels underneath for easy traveling and some bearded, greasy, overweight judges with heavy chains on would watch them strip to a Montey Crue Song or some other stereotypical stripper song until they were completely naked then they would step aside and let another girl dance almost the same way they just did.  They always had a name like “Brown Sugar” or “Wild Cherry” I was curious because of the naked part but even a kid that has only seen nakedness that was attractive so few times I could of counted them on my soft small hand I wasn’t interested.  The only reason why it was interesting is because it was taboo and I obviously shouldn’t of been watching it.  So anyway, I am going to go wash my hands now and go to bed.

History shows again and again, how nature points up to the folly of men

August 17, 2008

I think this is the last possible moment that I can procrastinate doing this blog article without procrastinating so much that i don’t do it entirely.  Mind you, I planned from the beginning to do this blog article.  Ever since I planned on going to the fair.  It’s just, I had some technical problems with uploading the video onto Youtube so I am burnt out on the idea of thinking about the Blue Oyster Cult, or the fair right now.  I took a mini vacation, from Tuesday until last night, but I am burnt.  It’s no offense to anyone reading this, it’s just listening to my crappy cell phone recorded video about 40+ times in the matter of 6 days can make a person become bitter.  I have now learned that it’s extremely difficult to get a series of .3g2 format videos to go into Cyberlink Powerdirector (or Windows Movie Maker for that matter) and just have 4 videos become one.  That is all I wanted to do people.  It became a mission, a mission that I wouldn’t let go unfinished.  I am one of those horrible stubborn people that won’t let something go undone until they sacrifice years off of their life just to prove they are right and whatever the hell it is is wrong.  I might just need more ram for this new laptop.  Yes I said new.

With that horrible intro lol I will go on and write a detailed article that deserves to be written.  But first a back story.  Last year I was living at the time within about 5 blocks or so from a fairgrounds here in town.  Just on a whim I looked up the Umatilla County Fair website (that is on that fairground, I just want you to be on the same page with me with this) and looked up who was performing just to see if I knew anybody that was performing.  I was expecting some 90’s band that had a couple of songs that were popular but not really playing at this small place.  Like, Paula Cole maybe?  I saw SheDaisy which is a small chick Country band and some other person I wasn’t interested in and then Night Ranger!!  I thought, I know them but why?  Off to Youtube I went to confirm I knew some of their songs and sure enough I sure as hell knew the song Sister Christian.  I was so excited that night they were performing, I waited patiently for my best friend Harry to come home and so I could bum 20 bucks off of him and off I went.  I had alot of fun, I saw a Rob Stewart look alike, I ate beer battered mushrooms and drank lemonade, and had a well needed outing.  I came home and thanked Harry several times for the 20 dollars and vowed that would be a tradition of mine.

Flash forward to about 6 months ago, I looked on the Umatilla County Fair website again.  I honestly thought the fair was in September and not the beginning of August so thank goodness I looked it up ahead of time.  I wanted Harry to come but no one could cover his shift at work.  I can admit that the reason why I wanted him to go was because of a selfish reason.  We moved the end of February across town.  I REALLY didn’t want to walk across town for the fair.  I wanted to go with him to have him drive there and back.  I am not too awful of a person for that but just to get it out there I didn’t want to walk .2 (according to Google maps) miles there one way.  I am out of shape, so that is a ways.

August 8th creeped up on me, I had about 20 dollars in my pocket, and I felt just staying home and not walking all of that way and back wasn’t worth missing an adventure.  At 7:45 I checked to make sure I had the house keys, I doubled checked to make sure I turned off all of the lights, I locked the door, and I was off.  I sped walk in a mix of excitement and being slightly running behind schedule.  The concert started at 9, so I was running a little late.  The year earlier I was an hour there before the concert started.

This is the road I was walking along.  The endless but not so endless familiar road.  I was bound determined to hear someone, hopefully the Blue Oyster Cult, sing that night!

After a little under an hour of walking, I was there.  Right when I got to the last stretch of sidewalk up to the gate I saw a tall, pale, guy with a poofed out beard and red hair to match with a pale avocado “More Cowbell” t-shirt on.  I felt that was a sign that this was fate.  After forking over 7 bucks, getting a temporary brand and getting through the gate, I realized my feet were already tired so I wanted to rest my feet.  I couldn’t quickly find a place to sit that didn’t look like you had to buy something so you won’t get the ol’ heave ho’ but I did eventually find a bench that made me happy for about 5 minutes.  My feet were still tired but I felt like a party pooper pulling the lets sit on a bench like you can do any other time thing.

While I got back up on my feet to look for where the concert was going to be so I could stake out my standing area, I saw a sign for a wild animal exhibit.  After walking the wrong way in a horseshoe shaped pathway and having the guy correct me, I saw a sign that was a big pat on the non profit organization’s back for rescuing these animals from their habitat and putting them on display for us to gawk at them.  Now, I am not an expert on the subject but how is this better?  There was a bobcat type of wild cat in the cage in the above picture (sorry the picture is so crappy, it was the bad lighting) pacing back and forth constantly.  I felt really bad for him.  There was another cat but I don’t know what it was, a cheetah maybe?  Most of the exhibit was snakes.

The snake pictures are better.  I was scared as hell of these snakes but fascinated at the same time which I am about a lot of things.

I didn’t get a picture of him, but there was this yellow, orange, and red snake that it’s head kept on moving pointing at us.  There were some young 18 year old tourist Aussie kids ahead of me.  I about crapped my pants watching that snake.  I thought about actually taking a video of him with my cell phone but the guy was watching us really closely.  I thought the snake was just going to say fuck it and bust through the glass!!  It was a thin snake not like these thick ones.

Here is one of the Tarantulas!!   If you can’t see him then look closely at the orange spots.  I can’t really say anything about him, other then he was awake and creep crawling around his tiny glass box.  I even felt sorry for him the hairy little fucker.

I am hesitant to admit this, but it took me a while to find the stage.  I wandered around in a loop for about an hour and a half.  By the time I found it my feet really hurt and I was cranky.  I felt disappointed in knowing there might be a chance that I might not see the concert AT ALL because I couldn’t find it right away.  I found a huge rodeo going on.  I found it over and over again.  I found all of the carnies that had rock music blasting from their speakers over and over again, but no live music stage.  I was stunned and dumbfounded.  No son, we are not happy.  Not even about Lemonade.  Because the Blue Oyster Cult is nowhere to be found.

This was the main ride that was scary but everyone wanted to go on.  I honestly thought it was a Ferris wheel at first, but no it’s not.  I think every fair has that one showcased ride that people stand in a long line to go on.  This one was called the Ring of fire.  Every time I walked by it (over and over, mind you) I got the classic Johnny Cash song stuck in my head.  I took this picture just so I could share that.  Your welcome.

Eventually the crowd died around the rides, and the carnies music out of their speakers were killed.  I found where the crowd went and where the music was coming from.

First I found an area that was a side angle of the stage that I thought I was going to stand for 2 hours.  But then I quickly found that I was standing right where people went in and out of the reserved seating.  Every minute or so someone went out of the reserved seating to go take a piss or buy something to become future piss.  I had to find another place to stand.

I found a good spot dead center that didn’t have so much of a crowd to make me uncomfortable.  There was a guy that if he was sober I feel sorry for him that bounced around behind me shouting random humorous things.  At the time I thought he was an annoying person out to ruin my evening but now I am glad I had him there because it made the experience sincerely more enjoyable.  Also in front of me there was a poor man’s version of Mystie rocking out with her female friend that looked vaguely the same but brunette.  They were probably about 18 but knew a lot of the words to a lot of the songs so I was impressed.  It was fun watching them rock out with their cocks out.

One thing I didn’t get him shouting on video was he kept on shouting, “This isn’t New York, this is Oregon!  We are rocking out in Oregon!  Yeah!” in a Special Ed type of way.  But I thought it was sincere and not him trying to be funny.  A guy standing by him I think was his friend humored him during when he was getting the fact that this is Oregon and not New York out of his system.  If anyone that lives in New York is reading this, it’s no offense to New York.  I think his point was this is a small town in Oregon and not a big city in New York and the place was rocking out.

What you have all been waiting for…

The visual part of the video kinda sucks.  But it’s all about the audio anyway.  I am one of those people that constantly are taking pictures and video.  Why?  Because really of three main reasons.  I want to be able to look at the video I made and pictures I took and reminisce with vivid details right in front of me.  Second, I want to be able to see what I have done in the past when I am older and when I am not able to remember it that well.  Third, I want proof to show others that I was there and to tell my story to them.  Some people think oh well just live your life.  It’s more fun if you aren’t hiding behind a camera all the time.  I want proof.

Here is a better video of the same concert.

His video shows basically how my view was.  For some reason my video makes it look like I had nose bleed seats.  I could see the people, what they were wearing etc.  I couldn’t count their nose hairs but I could see them.  He had another video up that was closer, the audio was worse but he took it down.  THANK GOODNESS I saved both of his videos for my own keepsakes.  I LOVE FILE2HD.COM!  I did a tutorial about them this last week, check out my youtube channel for it.

If you can’t make out what the loud guy behind me is saying in the video then I am going to tell you the main things he said in the video.  He is saying, “I want a copy of that!  Can I have a copy of that?” talking to me wanting a copy of the picture he thought I was taking.  I took pictures before so to his defense he wasn’t too far off thinking I was still taking pictures.

Me saying, “I don’t know they’re pretty bad!” and laughing.  I meant the quality is bad.  Not like oh I’m bad, I’m bad you know it.

Him saying, (later when BOC is playing Don’t fear the reaper) “You got the whole thing on video?” Me “Yeah” Him “You can do that?!?  I didn’t know you could do that! Put the whole thing on youtube or something and I might watch it in a day or so.” I nodded and said the quality is bad but we’ll see.  He instantly ignored me after that and went back to his obnoxious cheering.  I have to admit I was a little frightened of him.  He looked like every stereotypical homeless man that you have seen in any movie.  Yep that one.

They acted like they finished up and then when most of the crowd left they did one more song.  The majority of people are stupid.  BUT the loud guy behind me stayed and begged for an encore.  Apparently they heard him because they squeezed one more song out.

While the concert was going on I glanced around, seeing what I should buy before I head home.  My best friend Harry already told me to buy him an elephant ear so I knew I had to buy that.  I played around with the idea of buying two and scarfing one down.  Right beside me was this glorious lit up sign that said TORTATOES which from what I saw were basically curly fries in a paper snow cone type of container.  I think it would be way too awkward to order one and I don’t think there is much bang for your buck which they planned all along because gimmicky names always cost a little more.  Fuckin’ Tortatoes.

I decided to get an elephant ear for myself as well and continued on my continuous walking adventure.  I first bought a foot long corn dog which was okay, and then found a booth that sold the glorious ears.  I am always impressed on how huge they are.  I know they are mostly fluff but they are friggin big.  I wandered around some more and found a grungy but not wet picnic table to sit at to enjoy some time alone with my Elephant Ear.  When I finally got off my feet and sat my big ass down, I saw this.

A diaper.  A babies diaper sparled out on the ground.  I tried not to gag while eating my food.  Their were plenty of blowjob trash clowns around for them to throw the diaper away so there were no excuses.

I filled my stomach up with corn dog and cinnamon powdery fluffy dough, and decided to start to make my trek back home.  I could easily make a long story about my trek home because it was a long painful one but this is long enough.  I made a right instead of a left and that added about an hour to my walking.  My feet were sore for 2 days after that.  I needed the exercise so the farther it’s in the past the more it’s not a big deal.  Until next year when I do it all over again.

Overall I learned some things about this experience for future reference.  I am bringing my HD camcorder with me next year.  I will try to get there earlier to have more daylight so things are easier to see.  Elephant ears only last about 4 hours before they become incredibly stale and hard.  I think I like Night Ranger better then I like the Blue Oyster Cult.  I also taught someone something.  I taught a loud guy that cell phones can record video.  So hurrah for tradition.

Something just happened to me that usually happens to Billy

July 17, 2008

So I HAVE to share.  HAVE to.

BTW if you haven’t been paying attention Billy or Bill or Will is from .  He is known for having over the top embarrassing things happen to him either he brought it on himself or he just was at the wrong place at the wrong time.  His story about why he was a competitor in the Special Olympics is classic, look it up when you have the chance.

But my story just happened a few minutes ago.  I wanted to tell you all when it is still fresh in my mind.  This is one of my own damn fault kind of embarrassing stories which is the worst kind because you can’t blame anyone else for the embarrassment.  At least in the Special Olympics story Billy has he can blame the mother.  Me?  Only myself.

I am just sitting here catching up on my emails, responding back to text messages on my phone, and I get a phone call.  I don’t usually get phone calls from anyone except my best friend Harry and a good friend that calls every Thursday and that is it.  If a lot of calls are made I make them.  Just a few minutes ago I got a wrong number call.  Usually a wrong number call isn’t that long but this one was special.  And not in a good way.

A side note, have you ever had one specific phone number in your life that got a lot of wrong numbers?  I had a land line when I lived in Stanfield that did.  At least once a month or once every two weeks someone would call and say oops sorry wrong number.  We felt like we had the most recycled number the phone company had.  It was funny though.

But just a few minutes ago an older lady called.  I don’t get many of those.  But I swear, you have to believe me that she sounded exactly like my Great Aunt that is my Grandma’s sister.  In the logic in my brain at the time of the call I thought it was her and she accidentally called me on her phone number list instead of Karen.  I know better now reflecting.  I mean why would my Great Aunt have me on her phone number list?

This is about how the conversation went.  Not word for word.  I have to do this by memory.


Me: Hello?

Her: Oh I’m sorry, I was trying to call Karen.  This doesn’t sound like Karen.  I must of called the wrong number.

Me:  Oh hi!! (with a big smile on my face, I haven’t talked to my Great Aunt in at least a couple of years)

Her: Oh hello?  Is Karen there?

Me: Don’t you know who this is?

Her: Apparently I don’t.  I was trying to call Karen.  I’m sorry I don’t know who you are.  Who are you and where is Karen?

Me: You know who I am!!


Me: I don’t know where Karen is but you called me instead of her by accident.  But (fumbling with my words) I am Jodi.  Mary Ann’s youngest! (Mary Ann is the first name of my Grandma)

Her: I don’t (pause) know you.  I don’t remember you.  I am going to hang up now and try to call Karen.  I don’t know who you are but I need to speak to Karen now.  Goodbye now! (old ladies have an odd politeness to them)

Me: Oh ok bye!! (still excited thinking I just had a very odd conversation with my Great Aunt)


About 2 minutes go by and it hits me.  That WAS a wrong number.  I looked at her number on my phone.  The area code is the same as mine.  My Great Aunt lives in Great falls Montana.  This is like a wacky 80’s sitcom where the two coffins get switched at the simultaneous funerals.

What have I done.  What have I done…