Jasper, the amazing yeast biscuit loving terrier! (Thanksgiving post FTW!)

A few years ago I saw this story in a local free newspaper.  The newspaper consists of just entertainment type stuff.  It usually has a theme.  Like airplanes, famous toys, actors/actresses, specific foods, holiday, etc. with trivia in that theme and jokes in that theme.  It also has coupons, puzzles, movie reviews, etc.  I used to read it at the laundrymat because they always had a stack of them there and it was a decent way to kill time.  One of my favorite stories from that newspaper is this one.  A friend of mine posted a FYI type of blog talking about how to prepare typical thanksgiving foods for your dog.  It reminded me of Jasper, the poor Terrier that had to indulge himself on almost a whole pan of uncooked yeast biscuits.  I hope you enjoy.fox-terrier-02

This isn’t a picture of him.  This is just a picture I found of a Fox Terrier through Google Image.

We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the
summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you who are
unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child
about whom you know nothing and committing to doing your best to be a good parent.
Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only
sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can
get without actually performing a French kiss on me.

Lest you think this is a bad case of ‘no discipline,’ should tell
you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit including
locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress.
Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house Although the cost of the
project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me
out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and a lot of friends
that I like more than family most of the time.

I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner
rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly It was the only appliance in the whole darnï house that worked, thus the assignment.

I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs
am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor. Not
wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put the rolls on baking
sheets and set them in the living room to rise for a few hours. Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour. The rolls were ready to go in the oven.

It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans,
much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated.

I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of
uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night.
God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more
than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by the time we
went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.

We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog out to
relieve himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He
was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and mostof the time when
he was walking his front half was going one direction and the other half was
either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction.

He couldn’t lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the
same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn’t stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence.

His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured
another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was
indeed drunk.

He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it
would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.
Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up
and took him with us to my sister’s house for the first Thanksgiving meal
of the day.

My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute
drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and I,we took off.
Now I know you probably don’t believe that dogs burp, but believe me
when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station But that’s not the worst of it.

Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God
strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire
trip to Karen’s, thankful she didn’t live any further away than she did.

Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister’s garage with the door
locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper’s latest endeavor to walk without running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, ‘what goes in must come out’ and Jasper was no exception.

Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast
rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog’s digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen’s house. Having discovered his ‘packages’ on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor.

This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from
the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the
blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure.
We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else
was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a
coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn’t degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too.

Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home
and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at
Perry’s sister’s house.

I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to
normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door. It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea. Now, I’m doing
research on the computer as to: ‘How to clean unbaked dough from the carpet.’
And how was your day?

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One Response to “Jasper, the amazing yeast biscuit loving terrier! (Thanksgiving post FTW!)”

  1. Matias H Says:

    I gonna have fox terrier too, male and three color if can, previous family dog was 2 color female fox. Best dogs available, Totally cool and smart creatures. Playful and intellect as ever seen, first was Scotland terrier male then the second, now my parents have small what they are, Jack Russel. And sister fox too. They who sell still, i’d say best, groel wool type.

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